Sometimes your spouse can drive you crazy. In fact, if your husband is like mine, he will be parked by the trim at least twice a day. In brutal moments of psychotic insanity, you might even try to find ways to convince him to tie blocks at his feet and jump into the river. DO NOT DO IT! No matter how good an idea it may sound when you are collapsing in stressed and hysterical fits, murdering your husband is never a good idea. In fact, here are ten reasons why it’s such a rotten plan.
10. The insurance company won’t pay if you kill him, so you’ll end up having to work two jobs to pay the rent.
9. If you think he never helps with housework now, wait until he is buried. Odds are good that you will never fold your laundry at that point.
8. Kids can drive you crazy now, but imagine how much crazier you would go without their dad to wind them up, supposedly burning all the energy, right before bed.
7. Neon orange jumpsuits make your complexion look unsightly. There is no way around that.
6. And if you think your husband is hogging the hot water now, wait until you have to shower with ten or fifteen other prisoners at the same time.
5. Attorneys’ fees are even more expensive than golf and boating. That’s why lawyers like to play golf and go boating.
4. If you try and fail and manage to reconcile, and then a one-armed man comes up behind your husband, the police will probably blame you, letting you yell, “It wasn’t me! It was the one-armed man! !! “They will think you have seen too many movies and will ignore your alibi.
3. Not to mention the fact that, in general, assassination attempts make it less likely that you will reconcile your differences. Counseling is probably less complicated.
2. Then there is all the stress of having an alibi. Even though as a wife, you feel like you’re always doing two, or ten, things at once, chances are you can’t really commit murder AND comb your hair at the same time.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON FOR NOT KILLING HER HUSBAND:
1. Come on, you know you love him. Sure, he can be a pesky pest at times, but you married him for a reason. You probably get under her skin just as often. Work it out and save yourself the stress of trying to plan a funeral from jail.
