For a relationship to culminate in a long-term and committed successful union, a five-step relationship-building process must be recognized, understood, and completed.
The Five Steps To A Long-Term Relationship
The path to a definitive, new, and committed long-term relationship goes through five separate steps in relationship building: (1) Step 1: The transitional relationship, (2) Step 2: The recreational relationship, (3) Step 3: The previous commitment Relationship, (4) Step 4: The commitment relationship and (5) Step 5: The marital relationship. (For a discussion of recreational, pre-committed, and committed relationships, see David Steele, Conscious dating, (Campbell, CA, RCN Press, 2008).
This article addresses the fifth and final step in the relationship building process, Step 5: The Marital Relationship.
The marriage relationship is the moment of Exchange!
That ?! Isn’t this the time when things settle down and you can finally relax and enjoy some stability?
Well yes and no. It is true that you no longer have to struggle with the uncertainty of finding a partner with whom you have chemistry and who also meets your requirements. However, pick your favorite bumper sticker: “Nothing stays the same.” “Change is the only constant.” “Men marry in the hope that their partner will not change, but they do. Women marry in the hope that their partner will change, but they don’t.”
Be that as it may, getting married is not a boring and monotonous promise of predictability. Successful marriages not only endure, they invite and enjoy, they change each other.
TO Marriage relationship It is one that has matured to the point of formalizing it with public vows of compromise. The focus is now on both parties allowing and encouraging each other to grow, develop, and change to fulfill each person’s vision and life purpose.
Objective and motivating question. The goal of a marital relationship is to keep the relationship alive by fostering growth and development. The driving question that motivates this relationship is: “How can we help each other fulfill our personal Dreams? “
The roles that you and your partner play. You are expected to be a husband / wife and an animator of your partner’s efforts to “be all you can be.”
The nature of a committed relationship. A common misconception is that getting married is like crossing the finish line in a marathon, requiring no further action. The “marathon” part is correct, yet the image of the “finish line” couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, now you’re standing in the from Lifetime “super marathon” line and a whole new part of your thinking will be challenged.
The common belief is that when we get married, who we are at that moment freezes, like a marble sculpture. We can no longer and no longer need to change our shape, size, beliefs, dreams, or vision. A more suitable image in the wedding ceremony is not a marble statue, but a sculpture made of Silly Putty. While we may resemble a marble statue when we say “Yes, I do,” our actual shape, size, beliefs, dreams, or vision can, and inevitably will, be shaped and altered over and over again to our personal specifications as it progresses. our life. .
The back doors of a marriage relationship
The “back doors” are ways that allow you to “escape” from the relationship.
According to the greater commitment that marriage entails, the difficulty in ending the relationship is also high. In a marriage there is not only an extraordinarily strong social / psychological contract, but a legal contract is also created. As you well know, the financial cost of divorce is not only significant, but the emotional pain is deep and wide as well. The effect is to force us to do everything possible to avoid a breakup and to use divorce only as a last resort.
Potential problems in a marital relationship
The marriage relationship requires the two partners to help each other grow and develop. But what if they can’t or don’t want to do this? The relationship suffers and failure, read “divorce”, is possible.
Among the most common ways we fail in the marriage step are:
(1) Take the relationship for granted and expect the other partner to do all the work,
(2) Trying to do all the work yourself and excluding your partner,
(3) Treat a “wish” as a “requirement”,
(4) Not being willing to give in,
(5) Refusing to learn and use problem solving and conflict management skills necessary for any committed work relationship.
(6) Refusing to accept the change in your spouse not only as acceptable, but desirable, as he / she pursues his / her life purpose,
(7) Believe that the person you are when you get married is the “end product” that needs no further modifications or adjustments for the rest of your life, and
(8) Believing in love means that your partner must accept you forever, just as you were when you got married, no matter what.
(9) Failure to complete the above four steps in the relationship building process, especially Step 3: The Pre-Committed Relationship
So what is the point?
Don’t get complacent about the apparent “purpose” of “getting married.” Do not hesitate, your work is not done.
Not only are you capable of change, but the very essence of a successful marriage demands that you change. Your challenge is twofold: Can you make the changes you need to fulfill your life vision and purpose? And, can you support, even encourage, your partner to do the same?
What is getting in your way? Lurking in the shadows is the ever-present Resistance to Change! So your ultimate challenge is to break that resistance so your marriage has the sustenance it needs to grow and flourish.
