If you’re like many people with Asperger’s, you classify small talk as a meaningless NT (neurotypical) ritual in which people waste time talking about stupid topics that no one really cares about.
However, small talk is actually a critical skill in the workplace. It’s the first step in building those all-important relationships with your colleagues. Most neurotypicals (who make up the majority of the workforce) place a high value on relationships. So much so that a good relationship with the supervisor and sympathy for co-workers are consistently ranked as important factors for job satisfaction.
Sharing a few friendly comments with coworkers you see in the lunchroom or in the elevator sends the message that you consider yourself part of the group. Small talk with your coworkers is the starting point for building camaraderie and trust.
You don’t really need to as someone to act friendly with them at work. Sometimes small actions go a long way in establishing yourself as likable. For example:
-Greet coworkers you see or interact with in the morning by saying “Good morning” or asking “Hi, how are you?”
-Smile when you greet people or pass them in the hallway. If necessary, practice so that it becomes natural. A person who does not smile is often perceived as angry or distant.
-Join your colleagues for regular lunch.
How to make small talk
Small talk is the discussion of general and neutral topics for short periods of time (usually no more than 5 minutes). Neutral topics are things like the weather, traffic, sports, a national news story, plans for the weekend, etc. Topics to avoid are those that polarize people (politics, religion, race), make people feel uncomfortable (sexual topics), or personal observations (weight, clothing, hairstyle, manners). Negative comments about other employees or the company should also be avoided.
If you don’t follow sports teams or popular shows on TV, you can still find topics for small talk. Many local news stations have websites that provide brief summaries of major news stories. This is a quick way to stay informed about what’s happening in your community.
The point of small talk is to make connections with others. To do this, you need to hold a discussion for at least two or three turns. If you respond to a question or comment with a one word answer or by saying “I don’t know”, you will not go any further.
Let’s say you’re in the break room and someone asks if you watched a particular show or sporting event. You answer, “No.” Oops! The conversation is over. Instead, ask a question to express your interest in the other person, such as “I haven’t seen that show, what is it about?” or “I don’t follow baseball. Do you play?”
Here is another example that illustrates how small talk can be the bridge to building good relationships with your coworkers. Someone asks, “Did you get stuck in that traffic jam on Route 66?” Instead of saying “no,” he says, “No, I live in Smithtown, so I don’t take the highway to get here.” The other person replies, “I used to drive through Smithtown when I worked at ACME Widgetworks.” You reply: “I worked at ACME six years ago in the R&D group.” Your new acquaintance says, “I was in R&D too. We should meet for lunch this week.”
This type of scenario is not uncommon and can be the beginning of productive long-term business relationships. Although it may feel awkward for you at first, consider small talk an important business skill to practice.
Extracted from the Asperger’s Syndrome Workplace Survival Guide: A Neurotypical’s Secrets To Success© 2010 Barbara Bissonnette, Forward Movement Coaching.
