For the past 64 years I have asked myself: “What is the soul? What is the spirit?” During my mid-adult years I began to realize that because I had spent my life working empathically with people, I had become something of a “soul gardener” and “soul collector.” Most of my memories are of people, their faces, emotional stories, and expressions. While looking up the words “spirit” and “soul” I discovered that they are used interchangeably, and that the word “emotion” is an essential and fundamental part of the definition of both words. In this article I explore the characteristic of emotion in spirit or soul. I think it is vital. Because I am uncomfortable with an intellectually created dichotomy between the words “feelings” and “emotions,” I use those words interchangeably.
From the moment it was founded as a science, the field of psychology has been evolving. The idea that we can help people improve their emotional health by using and changing thoughts and behaviors has been a well-documented and highly endorsed approach since the 1960s. The relative efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy has been established. . Throughout these years I have been asking myself, “And what about emotions?” Fortunately, I have not been alone.
Another question that many have asked is; “What comes first, thoughts or emotions?” Researchers have concluded that sometimes emotions come first, and sometimes thoughts come first. Readers can test this for themselves by thinking a negative or positive thought, while paying attention to the emotion they have in response. The feelings that arise in response to perceived danger are designed to help us survive and, in most cases, come before thoughts. Emotions often trigger thoughts about the nature of oneself and others.
In the field of affective neuroscience, researchers have studied emotions in animals and babies to better understand their purpose. Even rats have been reported to laugh. Readers who have pets will be able to think of many times when their pet seems to be expressing an emotion. Our personal projections will affect our interpretations of our pet’s emotions.
Human babies are born with the emotional systems of their brains relatively well developed to ensure their survival. When a baby is born in a reasonably safe situation, with relatively healthy parents, she will be able to become attached to one parent (hopefully both) and begin a healthy process of mental and physical growth. Those emotional brain systems are the place from which she can develop physically and intellectually. A baby uses her emotional system to communicate her needs to her caregivers.
The baby has the physical sensation of hunger and uses the emotional expression of crying to express his need. If the baby is with a caregiver at the time she begins to feel aware of her physical need, and if the caregiver is attuned to the baby, the caregiver might recognize the baby’s facial expression before she cries. Our automatic facial expression of emotion communicates a lot. That’s one of the reasons we enjoyed a great performance; a good actor is skilled at using the many small muscles of his face to express the emotion he has learned to feel as part of his acting ability. The best musicians feel the music when they sing or play their instrument and we can see them feel their feelings, while we watch the emotional expression on their faces.
Emotions/feelings are always with us. One of the purposes they have is to give us information; “This feels good, that feels bad.” “If I do more of this, I’ll feel better. If I do less of that, I’ll feel better.” Humanity’s attempts to renounce emotions stem from a lack of understanding of their purpose, as well as a lack of knowledge on how to manage emotions. Because emotions in relationships can become frightening and overwhelming, many have tried to control others by telling them they have “too much” emotions or by suggesting that a person who expresses their emotions is “too emotional.” Some feel and express disgust at another person’s expression of emotion. Unfortunately, that makes the person expressing her emotions feel hurt, invalidated, judged, criticized, and ashamed. Often a person who has these emotions will become more emotional or try to stop having emotions altogether. Either way, the result is that the relationship between those two people has been damaged. The emotional part of a person’s spirit has been hurt.
When one person (A) tries to tell another (B) how they feel or that they feel too much, (A) they are trying to exert an unrealistic amount of control over the other person (B). Attempts to control are often exerted because the first person (A) has strong feelings in response to the feelings of the other person (B) and they (A) feel out of control, confused, or scared. If the first person (A) could learn to cope with her feelings, it would be easier for them (A) to stay with the other person (B) while he or she communicates and copes with her (B) feelings. Because all human interactions involve resolving conflicts of interest, everyone needs the right and freedom to feel and express their feelings. Our feelings give us the information we need to understand our needs.
Psychologists have recently recognized the problems that have arisen from the socialization of men. As Ronald F. Lavant writes in his article, “Toward the Reconstruction of Masculinity” (quoted in “A New Psychology of Men” edited by Ronald F. Levant and William S. Pollack 1995), “Based on clinical observations, I believe that a The mild form of alexithymia is widespread among adult men and is the result of the male emotional socialization test, which requires boys to restrain the expression of their affectionate and vulnerable emotions and to be emotionally stoic” (239). Alexithymia is having difficulty knowing and describing one’s own emotions. During the feminist movement of the 1960s and 1970s, many women made the mistake of trying to be more like men and less emotional. Now we have the opportunity to correct that mistake.
Emotions are the energy, information, spirit and soul through which we know life. If our spirit is controlled by others who need to direct our feelings, we can lose our spirit. Emotions help us communicate our needs to others. If we withdraw from others, or turn off the responsive feelings we have for another, we lose the relationship.
Because Susan M. Johnson, EdD., has been developing and teaching her Emotion Focused Therapy for the past thirty years, she has given us an excellent understanding of the value of emotions. She gave her theory the title “Emotionally Focused Therapy” to “emphasize emotion as a key agent of change in a field that has focused primarily on cognition and behavior.” The title also reflects “the humanistic experiential perspective of the creators of EFT and their recognition of the role of emotion in the creation of meaning.” Another reason for the title is to “reflect a view of emotion as a fast-response adaptive system that has unique power to ‘move’ people into new ways of seeing and acting.” These quotes are from “Becoming an Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapist: The Workbook” (8), by Susan M. Johnson, 2005. Ms. Johnson notes that “the word emotion comes from the Latin word emovere, which means to move. Emotion ‘moves’ us physically and mentally.” (260) in “The Healing Power of Emotion; Affective Neuroscience, Development, and Clinical Practice” edited by Diana Fosha, Daniel J. Siegel, Marion Solomon, 2009. Emotions, then, are designed to move us, create meaning, and are adaptive. and healthy.
The spirit bright, open and brimming with the emotions of joy, love, humor and happiness; It’s understandable that we want to be able to enjoy those feelings as often as possible. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be a “happy” person? And that’s not a realistic goal. We cannot “be” an emotion and we need the full spectrum of emotions to live as long as possible! The soul deep and slow of feelings of sadness that come from our pain and losses. They motivate us to try to live in a way that prevents us from having to experience them too often. Sometimes we believe that our grievance will bring us down. Because we know how we feel, when we are hurt, we can tell when another is feeling hurt. We can “feel” another person. The sharp, biting, persistent feeling of fear or anxiety. What is that emotion trying to motivate us to do? If we can contain it well enough to listen to it, what will we learn from it? Is there someone we need to contact or something we need to do? And the loud, often heartbreaking, outburst of anger! With anger comes a rush of adrenaline, which raises our dopamine level. Anger can help us achieve a lot, when we can contain and use that energy. If ignored or turned off, anger can become destructive. And sometimes the destructive force of anger can clear our psychic foundations to make room for another psychic structure. Anger is not inherently “bad.” It is an emotion that, like all emotions, when heard, attended to, and used well, can help us make worthwhile changes in our lives. The spirit and energy of anger can be destructive, constructive, and both.
I recently came across a quote from a woman whose name is Brenda Schofield. She said, “When you can’t control the wind, adjust your sails!” So put. When I have a tornado of emotions, no one else can help me control them. You can trim your sails and be with me. Sometimes all it takes is a concerned look, a kind word or gesture. So I know I’m not alone. And I can give this emotional connection to others. This is how we share our spirit and soul with each other. I’m rich; I am thankful that I was able to develop an incredible collection of souls. And I write this with deep gratitude to those of you who have been so extraordinarily open in sharing your emotions, energy, spirit, and soul with me.
