The Winter Olympics…
Once again the world of fishing has been ignored.
As I sit to watch a spine-tingling, heart-pounding, ever-tension-filled Olympic curling event competition, I can’t help but wonder why a fishing event has never been represented at the Olympics.
What are they trying to say?
Are they saying there is no athletic prowess involved when it comes to throwing a #12 Adams into a 20-inch ring created by the kiss of an 18-inch rainbow trout?
Is firing a high-powered rifle after skiing down a couple of planks more demanding than fording a rifle-filled creek and deftly tossing a chunk of powerbait into the “honeyhole” pocket containing an 8-inch tent?
I do not see the difference.
But then I’m an idiot.
Or is it me? Let’s at least take a look at some future options for the Winter Olympics, which may finally give the angler his due when it comes to skill and athleticism…
1) Which event shows more stamina and guts than ice fishing? I propose a winter olympic event that is made up of ice fishing. In this event, contestants will be timed on their ability to punch an 8- to 10-inch hole in the surface of a frozen lake, run in sneakers across frozen ice to a designated staging area where they will grab a rod and a stool, and run back across the ice to the open hole, put on your bait and sit for hours in a fierce northerly wind. So, hopefully, the athlete will eventually catch a fish, pull it out of the ice hole, drop it in a bucket and run across the ice again, climb into a 1975 Ford pickup, drive across the finish line between the applause, waving the flag and the tinkling of the cowbells of their compatriots.
More challenges? Maybe a couple of guys named Swen and Ole can sit across from the contestant and constantly launch a verbal barrage of “I bet you” and “You don’t know” at the athlete, while he or she agonizingly tries to pull out a fish. of the water.
Speaking of sand!
Of course the Norwegian contingent might not have a problem with this and have a clear advantage HOW do you say “handsome” in Norwegian anyway?
We will all see how the hole begins to cover with ice, and the athlete frantically cuts the hole to keep it free of ice. Meanwhile, precious time is wasted as the fish just takes the bait.
They can even hold this event inside Olympic hockey or figure skating venues. Could you even make hockey games more interesting with some holes in the ice and figure skating? PLEASE…a double axle in a huge hole in the ice will add more excitement than Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan living in the same trailer. park. Or they can leave some frozen fish on the ice to add to the Olympic atmosphere.
The events could also easily be held as a “two-man” competition with one athlete fishing while the other builds an ice hut.
If the extreme thrill of Downhill is your cup of tea, imagine if they celebrate the event on melting ice. The now famous races of Franz Klammer and Hermann Maier will pale in comparison to the crunch of ice under the ice fisherman’s stool as he clambers up the shore before disappearing into the icy waters.
Talk about the agony of defeat….
2) Boat slalom. No matter bobsledding, bobsledding, or skeleton (which at first glance seem to require the two main athletic skills of courage and alcohol), try standing up on a drifting boat while running a class IV rapid with a line of 40-pound salmon peeled off his royal, hell-bent on returning to the ocean. Yes, athletes in ten layers of clothing, including the mandatory flannel outer jacket, will try to stay on their feet as “the driver” navigates the rock-clogged channel of a creek. Not only are contestants timed in this event, but style points are awarded for the degree of difficulty the athlete displays while performing “cannon grabs”, “twists” and the ever popular “airs”. Add several slalom gates and you have the making of a made-for-TV event. Drop or lose your salmon, and sorry, Charlie, see you in four years.
“OOOHHH, tough shot Vern: Elwood has been training his whole life for this moment, and to see it all go to waste in an instant is heartbreaking…”
3) No offense to our Canadian friends north of the border, but –CURLING!!! CURLING!! A combination of ice bowling and a bunch of shopkeepers trying to keep their facade spotless.
God, the winters must be terrible up there.
Outside of the obvious “sex appeal” of Olympic curling
events, the only thing more exciting would be seeing Dick Cheney go quail hunting.
But, since there is a place on the podium for chiseled curling athletes, I’m sure we could find a place for the skillful athleticism of the winter fly tying team!
This event would obviously be dominated by the American team, which has trained all year in a fridge in Detroit. Americans have been training relentlessly, tying these little critters to 8x tippet, in a meat freezer kept at minus 14 degrees.
That’s minus 26 degrees Celsius for our European competitors.
There, in the Olympic fly tying arena, in frigid weather, teams of fly tiers will take up the vice and tie various flies. We will see expressions of pain and complete intense concentration as the athletes try to make their fingers work in the icy cold. We’ll hold our breath while they try to get the hackle and dub right. You’ll spend precious time blowing into your hands, and we see split-screen footage of where the Olympic hopefuls lost time along the way.
Of course, in this two-day event, athletes will be judged on their speed, style, difficulty, and ability to catch and release fish.
So here’s to the athletes of the XX Olympiad, and I’ll see them, fishing rod in hand, in Vancouver in 2010.
