Maybe she stormed out of the house. Maybe there was an affair. He is cold? Has sex left marriage forever? Do you spend more time worrying about bills and college than your passion and romance? Are there little things about her spouse that really bother you? Aren’t you in love anymore? Maybe it’s worse than that…
Maybe neither of them cares.
Many marriages travel through time from expectation, joy, foundation, love, respect, family, and many times these feelings slide slowly and almost imperceptibly into a numb feeling of indifference and boredom.
One day you wake up and you don’t feel in love anymore… Yuk.
There are some clear and important steps, both psychologically and physically, that you must take. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence, folks. Before you start an affair, contemplate divorce, or worse, stop caring about your love and passion, try a little reflection and ACTION to rekindle that lust you once had. It will make you feel great!
1. Start with the past. Take a look back; take out old photos, videos and conversations about your time BEFORE you got married. Remember your favorite dates, where you did it for the first time and what important events shaped your love. Remember where you were when you first said, “I love you.” Take an hour or two and chronicle what it was like when those feelings were real and constant.
2. Daily Dose of Love. Inject yourself with those memories, photos and feelings daily. Once you’ve cataloged those events, go ahead and take 5-10 minutes each day to find one and visit it. Like a good movie, you can enjoy that 3 hour sex session or fabulous dinner and hotel room sex over and over again. By letting your mind replay those events, you physically activate those emotions again…great.
3. Commit. Once you commit to reigniting your passion, there’s no stopping you. By making the DECISION to feel, think and act in love, you have won half the battle. Don’t worry if one or both of you don’t “feel” it yet. Deciding to act, think, and feel that way is the only place to start. You can’t just send her flowers and hope things get better. It probably took several years for their relationship to descend to this level. Don’t expect any miracle overnight.
4. Act in love. By simply “faking it” or going through the motions of being in love, you activate a second characteristic for a permanent change in your heart. You’ve recalled memories and created the “feelings”, and then vowed to avoid all negative thoughts or alternative scenarios, now it’s time to put action behind those thoughts and feelings. By doing the things that people do when they’re in love, you’ve triggered physical manifestations of those feelings.
This combination of feelings, thoughts, commitments, and action is all you need to give your relationship the adrenaline shot it needs to be passionate again.
Of course, there are no guarantees that your heart or hers will be restored to the incredible lust, mystery, and passion when you first met. But by thinking thoughts of love, reminding yourself of the feelings that accompanied those thoughts, and acting “as if” they were all real, you have created the perfect storm to reinvigorate your love and create permanent change in your heart.
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