There was a time not long ago when the Thanksgiving meal was all about the family. Members of an immediate family would get together, watch the parade on TV, eat the big meal, and have sandwiches with leftovers later that night. Some close relatives might show up early to help or just before mealtime and leave soon after, which was fine and expected, but no invitation was needed or necessary. Fast forward to today, when many people consider the Thanksgiving meal to be a big event and a whole new and complicated ball game. Who you invite to your holiday meal or the Thanksgiving banquet you decide to attend can have immediate and even lasting social consequences.
Some say it began with extended families where the usual clear line of who was expected or invited to attend family Thanksgiving celebrations blurred. Others claim that celebrities committed the dirty deed by turning their holiday meals into pseudo-charitable events that their closest friends and family were expected to attend, bar none. Either way, offering or accepting invitations to a Thanksgiving celebration has become a complicated process that requires a lot of thought.
Let’s start by offering invitations. If you’re hosting a Thanksgiving cookout, the last thing you want is a bunch of drama or trouble on the holiday. Start your planning in late October with a long list of family members you think should or want to be at your event. Be sure to take into account all family dynamics, feuds, and any past issues or awkward situations created by mixing the wrong relatives together. Get feedback on your choices from influential family members you trust. They may have the latest inside information on who gets along and who doesn’t, which can help you make a final decision about which family members to invite and which to exclude.
Once you have a good idea of who you plan to invite to your holiday meal, shorten that list by calling to find out if your family members already have plans of their own or are willing to make a serious commitment to attend your holiday celebration. Once you have a short list of people you’re sure will attend, put it in writing by sending them an email, text, or RSVP letter. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me about situations where family members who didn’t show up told them later that they forgot they had that conversation just so they could accept an invitation from a romantic interest or older relative. influential.
With so many single people today having no relationships or strained relationships with their closest relatives, many hosts of Thanksgiving holiday meals find it necessary to invite friends or even close co-workers over. what would normally be just a family event. . No one wants to host parties that let a close friend or co-worker eat a frozen turkey dinner or a restaurant meal when you can invite those people to join your party (and rack up some personal points with them). in the deal). However, those types of invitations require a lot of thought and a creative invitation process.
Most people don’t want to admit that they’ll be lonely or isolated on Thanksgiving for one reason or another, but at the same time they probably hope that a close friend or coworker will find out about their situation and invite them over. holiday. food and some much needed social interaction. That includes couples. Just because someone is single doesn’t mean they don’t have an important Other in their life. In some cases, that Other may be as isolated from his family as his partner. Couples also need love at parties and might appreciate an invite to a friendly party. When you invite singles, ask them if they have a special someone in their life that they want to bring along.
Never make someone you plan to invite feel like you are doing them a favor or just extending an invitation to your holiday event because you feel sorry for them. Make any close friends or coworkers you plan to invite feel that their presence would be an asset and that you and your family would greatly appreciate it. If they accept your invitation, it will be because you made them feel that they would be welcome and not just invited. If they refuse, it will be because they have other plans and aren’t just embarrassed that you felt like you had to invite them because otherwise they might be alone on vacation.
The biggest problem for the host who must make decisions about which non-family members to invite is deciding who will fit in and who won’t. People who are able to mix well with other people they just met should be high on anyone’s guest list. Killjoys who are likely to wander aimlessly around your house as if they only have minutes to live and lack social skills are not beginners, even if they happen to be good friends or close co-workers. You’ll never make people happy like that, whether you invite them on vacation or not, so don’t even try. Doing so will probably make your other guests miserable.
Another major problem that holiday hosts face is deciding the ratio of family members to invite, versus strangers that will attend your Thanksgiving party. At no time should you overwhelm your immediate family members and close relatives with strangers. That will create a no-win situation for everyone, including you. Personally, I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life having family remind me of the Thanksgiving meal that I ruined for them by having too many strangers present. A wise host keeps the ratio at eighty percent immediate family members and close relatives; twenty percent of everyone else.
The thing to remember about Thanksgiving meal invitations is that even though your event is based on an iconic holiday, you’re basically just treating people to a dinner party that will tend to last much longer than most. As with all social occasions, the people you invite will make or break your event. It’s important to have the right mix of social movers and shakers, wallflowers, clowns, and diplomats. Events take on a life of their own if not well planned and people tend to remember the best and worst of those they attend for years to come. If you take all these things into consideration, your Thanksgiving holiday celebration will really end up being something to celebrate.
If you find yourself in the not-so-unusual situation of being invited to attend more than one Thanksgiving party, you have a big decision to make. No matter what your current employment status, friendship, or romantic relationship, immediate family members and very close relatives should always be the first to receive your assistance. Employers, close coworkers, significant others, and friends come and go, but family members tend to be around for a long time. It is unexpected that anyone in good standing with their family would turn down an invitation to any holiday or special event to be with non-family members.
Sometimes turning down an invitation to a holiday meal is harder than it should be. Most people who invite you to their Thanksgiving party will understand if you decline their invitation because you plan to have your own party or have decided to attend one hosted by someone very close to you. However, it will not always be so. Whether it’s family, friends or close co-workers, some people who organize Christmas celebrations take them very seriously and turning down an invitation from such people can be very problematic.
There will always be people in your life who just can’t take NO for an answer. When you find yourself invited to a festive meal by someone like that, it’s time for some tough love. You just need to tell them you can’t make it and leave it at that. If you offer explanations or excuses, you are inviting them to try to convince you of whatever reason you have given for not attending your event. I have been in situations like that and I can tell you that they will be relentless in trying to change your mind. It’s like talking to a telemarketer who has a thick book of loose-leaf resolutions for whatever arguments or exceptions you offer against buying their product or service.
Once you make up your mind about whether or not to accept an invitation to a holiday meal, stick with it! Never accept an invitation and then walk away because another person who invited you later put undue pressure on you. Smart hosts start inviting people to their Thanksgiving event no later than the end of October. People who call, text, or email you a week before Thanksgiving expecting you to drop all your plans and attend their event are very poor planners. They have no one to blame but themselves when you and others summarily decline their invitations. So be smart, plan well, make the right holiday choices, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!
