A funeral does not have to be family and friends sitting in front of a corpse saying the rosary. Today, many people are turning away from traditional memorial services and choosing instead to create a personalized and memorable celebration of life. You may have some questions like:
Why should I have a service?
Services are really about love. You are taking the time and expressing and sharing the love you felt for that person. It is important to celebrate but not at the cost of acknowledging that something important has been lost. The best services mix memories, comfort and encouragement. You need to take this time to share your loss, laugh and talk, and share your thoughts and feelings with others.
Where should I celebrate the celebration of life?
Some funeral homes and cremation societies have rooms for you to use. If you are a member of a congregation, you may want to consider the church community room. Many people now choose a private site, such as a country club, college, or a relative’s garden. Where did you like to go on Saturday afternoons: the beach, the tennis club, the golf course, fishing by a stream, soccer games? If you were sailors, maybe the port or the yacht club would be a good place to meet.
Who can I ask to lead the service?
The celebrants are becoming more and more popular. A Certified Funeral Celebrant is a person who seeks to meet the needs of families during the time of their loss. A celebrant is trained to help people create and present a personalized funeral, memorial or celebration of life service.
Many families today do not participate in an organized religion or church. They have no family minister and would prefer a celebration of life lived rather than a sermon. A Celebrant will honor a family’s wishes and host a religious or non-religious gathering. The family is free to participate as much as they want. The service belongs to the family and is carried out as they wish.
How can I get family and friends to share their memories?
You only get one chance to collect everyone’s memories. Consider 3″ x 5″ lined cards that say, “I’ll always remember when we…” or “I wish I had the chance to tell you…”. These cards and pens are given to friends and family as they enter the service. The celebrant or funeral director may be responsible for distributing and collecting them at the end of the service. These cards can be put in a bag and pulled out and shared at family gatherings for years to come. They become a reflection of the lives of the ancestors for the generations to come.
You can print them yourself on your home computer and copy them onto cardstock. You will also find them on our site listed below.
Guest books are not very practical as they require people to line up at the toilet. Unless feelings and memories are shared, what is the long-term use of a guest book? If feelings and memories are shared, the wait can be very long and delay the service.
What can I put on a memory table?
Create a table and bring things your loved one liked to do. For example, if they liked to paint, bring their artwork, their paints, brushes, and smocks. You could even bring your easels and put the artwork on your easels. If they were gardeners, they could bring their gardening tools and flower pots. If they liked soccer, you could bring any souvenirs with the logo of the team they supported that you or they may have. If you liked photography, put your favorite cameras on the table with some of your photos. You may want to write on a note card: “Sarah always found time to create the perfect photo and then share it with us. If you liked golf, please bring the clubs, tees, scorecards and golf balls with a card that might say something like “Watch Jane’s Hole-in-One on the 7th hole.”
Consider putting pocket pendants on the table that reflect your loved one. Guests are encouraged to take one, put it in their pocket or bag and when they find it they will remember the departed.
You may also consider personalized seed cards containing wildflowers. The cards can be placed on the memory table and friends and family can take them and keep the card as a keepsake and plant the seeds.
Should I have it taken care of?
It’s always nice to serve a meal. A reception with dinner or a sit-down lunch will be more productive than a reception with a punch sandwich and tea. Food selection will depend on the time of day, location, and your budget. Did your loved one have a favorite food or type of food? If you loved fried chicken, coleslaw, and apple pie, maybe you should consider it. Don’t forget dessert. Personally, I want Sees candies served at my service.
Should I serve drinks?
You may want to be careful with alcohol, as emotions and alcohol are never a good mix. Death can bring family problems and if alcohol is added things can get out of control. I recommend punch, soft drinks, coffee and tea. If you choose a beach setting, would you like to serve smoothies? Did your loved one have a favorite drink? If so, would it be appropriate to serve it?
What else can I do at the celebration?
Consider launching a balloon. Family and friends can write a note on a tag that is attached to a string on the balloon. You can find balloons in many grocery stores or in the yellow pages.
Consider plantable seed cards. You can personalize with cards with the names of your loved ones and when the cards are planted, forget-me-not flowers grow in their memory.
You could have a procession and put the candles around the coffin or urn. The candles can be given to family and friends as a souvenir at the end of the ceremony.
How can I help guests connect?
Consider having people fill out name tags. Most likely, many people will attend who will not know everyone. Also, if the person you lost is older, chances are their friends are too. The elderly have site problems and memory problems. You will want to make sure the name is in large print so they can read the name. We also encourage people to write on the name tag how they met their loved one. This becomes a great conversation starter.
I hope you found these suggestions helpful.
