Holidays! This is the time of year when people go to visit their families supposedly to have a good time and a good meal together.
Well, these are get-togethers where we revive family ties and catch up on everyone’s news. However, most of the time, what we see is a gathering of a group of people who, in reality, have nothing in common. Here sits a group of strangers called relatives: uncles, cousins, in-laws, family friends, nephews, etc. all dressed with nowhere else than a family dinner to go.
After greeting everyone, you decide to take a look at what everyone else is up to. Unfortunately, you will find that some will drink too much; others will eat too much; others do not turn off the television; others will only serve others, and others will never stop cleaning. You want to have a little chat, but after a few futile attempts, you get bored.
To make matters worse, some will do nothing but criticize others, while others, especially those who do all the cleaning, will make everyone feel guilty. And to complete the ordeal, there are also those who, whatever happens, will bring politics and religion to the table, just to heat up the conversation.
More than just a fun day, it’s likely to be quite stressful, compared only to the stress of “The Pianist.” After a very short time, you will realize that, again, you wish that days like this never existed.
An even worse scenario would be if the visit is to your spouse’s family and not your own. Then the nightmare would be complete. Oh yeah! You think for a moment that your family is not made up of a group of weirdos like their family is.
Dream in! Your life partner will feel the opposite!
So how do we deal with such a situation?
The best approach is to know in advance who will be present at this meeting.
Call ahead, at least three days in advance. Now that you know that Aunt Myrtle and Uncle Wilbur will be there with their two children and their families, and that your sister-in-law is bringing this guy who really thinks he’s a good politician but can’t utter a single sentence. If you use common sense, just like Rupert, your father-in-law’s college roommate who just got divorced after 30 years of marriage and can never shut up about his wife getting the house she bought him in the first place. Instead, you can start praying for them.
Ok, maybe “pray” is a strong word. Bless them. That’s what you should do: one by one, you should bless them. Better yet: make a list of the event attendees. Ok, let’s make a list:
1. Get your phone number and call at least three days before the meeting to find out who will be attending the event.
2. On a piece of paper, write everyone’s names.
3. Write each name on a different line.
4. Thank the host / hostess for the names and hang up the phone.
5. On another sheet, rewrite the names of the dinner attendees.
6. Leave five blank lines between the names.
7. For each of the attendees, write down five good qualities that each has.
8. If you can’t find something good in a particular person, skip it and move on to the next one.
9. When you are done, fill in the blanks again for the people you left behind.
10. No, you can’t stop looking for five qualities of each person who will be at the meeting.
11. Put down the pen or stop writing if you are using a word processor. I recommend that you do this by hand: it is more powerful.
12. Once you are done with everyone, say each name out loud and bless this person.
For example, Aunt Myrtle:
(1) makes delicious brownies,
(2) sing beautifully,
(3) know how to buy bargains,
(4) she dresses extravagantly, if you like the way she dresses; otherwise, look for something else:
(5) remember everyone’s birthday.
God bless you, Aunt Myrtle; I really want to see you at dinner (you can add the word God, if you wish, as in: God bless you, Aunt Myrtle, I really want, etc., etc.)
You have the photo? What if you just hate a person so passionately that you can’t think of good quality, even if your life depended on it? Look deeper. I swear it is possible to find those five good qualities, even if they are unconvincing. At least they are qualities!
Now get ready for a miracle. When you arrive at the meeting, you will see that those who bother you will leave you alone; those who criticize you will be pleasant or, at least, dumb; those who love you will go out of their way to make you feel welcome, and so on.
It is about your energy regarding these people. I guarantee that you will be so happily surprised by the friendliness of the meeting that you wish you had known about this process a long time ago.
By the way, after the holidays are over, you can still use this process for any occasion, really. You just need to start making your list every time you need to meet someone else.
