Even if a man is emotionally entangled with his mother, he will seem free to live his own life. Therefore, it will be difficult for some people to accept that deep down he does not feel free.
He will be a separate adult, but he will feel that he is nothing more than an extension of his mother and therefore her possession. If he is not aware of it, he will show that he has not been able to step back and reflect on what is going on.
The rule
Due to the fact that he’s probably been like this all his life, what’s going on will be like life. In order for you to be aware of what’s going on and put words to your experience, you’ll need to have the right conversation or be exposed to the right information.
If this were to happen, your external world will reflect what you have known deep down, perhaps for a long time, and this will allow your conscious mind to recognize what is happening. Until this happens, what is happening will continue to be the way life is and he will continue to suffer.
Focus
So, feeling that he is an extension of his mother, she will be the center of his world. She will usually define if he is happy or sad, if he feels connected or disconnected, if he feels good or bad.
Ultimately, you will not be in control of your own behavior and you will not be in control of your thoughts and feelings either. It will be as if his mother has a remote control that controls him and doing what she wants will be the only way for him to be comfortable.
the all clear
If he does something, it’s probably because his mother wants him to and has given him permission. When it comes to his career, if he has one, this could also be something his mother approves of.
If you’ve been honest with yourself, you may find that you can’t stand what you’re doing and it’s soul-destroying. However, his mother might not only be happy about it, but she might receive a fair amount of approval from others for what she does.
A role
He will be an individual, who has his own life to lead, but it will be as if his sole purpose is to provide his mother with the perfect reflection. In other words, he will be here to shower her with attention, acceptance, and approval.
It probably won’t even occur to his mother that he has his own needs or that he has his own life to lead. He will be her son, but she won’t be able to really see this, so they will use him to satisfy her needs.
an analogy
It will be like a robot that has been programmed to do one job and one job only. However, this robot will be capable of performing a number of different jobs, but it will not be aware of this.
For this robot to change, and the same will apply to man, it will need to undergo an internal change. Deep down, a small part of him will want his life to change, and over time this part could manifest a situation that will slowly wake him up.
seeing clearly
This could happen if you were in a relationship or had a breakup, for example. One of these things, if not both, will play a role in allowing you to come out of the mess you’re in and realize that you’re not living your own life.
This will be a time when he will begin to see that he is trapped in the mirror of his mother and that, all his life, he has been providing (narcissistic supply) what he has needed, while receiving very little from her. Playing this role will have taken a lot of energy out of you and you could be like an empty shell.
The foundations were laid
From very early on, his mother would have used him to satisfy some of her unmet adult and childhood needs. If he expressed his own needs to him, he would likely have been punished, disapproved, and/or abandoned.
He would have learned from a very young age that it was not safe for him to express his needs and that his purpose was to please his mother. This would have been something that happened automatically, not something he consciously chose to do.
a living hell
His mother would have been in a state of developmental delay and deeply hurt, and this would have prevented her from being able to provide her son with what he needed to grow and develop. That is why he would have become involved with her mother and could not emotionally separate from her.
A time when he needed the right nutrients would have been a time when his mother used him to provide him with some of the nutrients that she missed out on as a child and wasn’t getting as an adult. As a result of this, he will look like an adult but his emotional self will be extremely underdeveloped.
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Awareness
If a man can relate to this and is ready to leave his mother’s world, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.
