I am guilty of abusing new connections. But worse yet, I’m guilty of magical thinking when it comes to connections.
Making a business connection is the first step in a labor-intensive process. In the past, I’ve made connections and then launched into sales pitches. This happens to me often, and I see many of you reading this nodding in agreement. But I’ve also been guilty of perhaps a worse practice, and that is assuming/expecting/desiring/believing that once I make a connection, that other person will come up and not only beg me to sell my services, but also put me on the line. Contact. one hundred percent of the work to build a relationship.
Beginning
It can be scary, and it can certainly be painful, but you have to be willing and able to make the first move once a connection is made. You have to reach out and do, not just 100% of the work, but 110% of the work to build and grow your new connection into some kind of relationship. Your first step is to ask about them, to find out what motivates them and makes them get out of bed every morning. The next step is to offer yourself, asking “What can I do for you?” The third step, which many people ignore, is to fulfill what you promised in step two!
1 – Ask for them
Your connection to someone doesn’t even guarantee a number, that’s how basic it is. Step #1 is to ask about your new connection and actually listen and absorb the answer. And I’m not talking about asking, “So what line of business are you in?” or, “What do you sell?” Make a new connection, an open question about themselves.
“Tell me, what makes Susie Jones get up and shine every morning?”
None of us is prepared for this question. Are you? No, we all want to mumble our memorized elevator pitch, which is what we want to sell you. Here’s the hard part: Don’t accept that lame answer. dig. Rephrase the question and let them know you’re looking for personal information. Don’t be afraid to explicitly tell them what you want to know.
“Come on Susie. That’s your canned answer for what you do for a living. I’m asking about your life! What makes your life worth living? What makes you smile every day? What are the five main things in your life that give it meaning?”
Now, listen to that response and internalize what they tell you.
2 – Offer a hand
Listen to the answer to the previous question and start thinking. What can you personally offer this person? What other relationships have you developed where you can connect with another person and get what your new connection needs or wants? One of my main concerns [Are you paying attention?] is a cat rescue organization called Kitty Corner. They are not only a customer, they are also where I have adopted four of my pets over the years. I have yet to have a connection offer to make a donation or find me a bigger donor for them.
I’m not saying you should offer to move his piano this weekend, but find something you can offer to make his life a little brighter. I use copies of my first book as a business card. But if you mention your children or grandchildren, I have a selection of books signed by some children’s authors I know. If that’s the only interest I can match, I’ll offer you a copy.
“Your face lights up when you talk about your daughter, Susie. I have a signed copy of a children’s book by a friend of mine. How about I send it to you and you can have a good time reading it together?”
Or maybe your new connection needs life insurance, or you’re looking for reclaimed barn boards for your new den. If you can help them, offer to do so. And if you can’t help them right away, offer to keep an eye on them, maybe offer your services to some of your other connections.
“I don’t have any connections looking for magazine ad space right now, Susie. But I’ll tell you what: if you give me a dozen of your cards, I’ll send them to my local connections along with my personal recommendation that they contact you first.” That would be fine?”
3 – Tracking
Whatever you promised in step 2, do it! You know how many people who make promises drop the ball. Don’t be one of those people. Especially if what you have offered seems simple or even inconsequential. Most people ignore those promises, whether they make them or make them. Doing small things can have an amazing impact, both for those who do them and for those who receive them. At least you’ll get a sense of accomplishment, and they’ll probably be surprised you remembered.
Plus, there’s the psychological law of reciprocity, where they feel like they should do something for you now, but that shouldn’t be the point.
The important part of this is honoring your word, keeping your promises. Even if they never do anything for you. Or maybe I should say, especially if they never do anything for you.
your budding relationship
And that’s how you start to build a relationship. Once you start to develop that relationship, maybe you can ask them if they want to buy whatever it is you’re selling. Or if they know other people who want to buy what you’re selling. Better yet, maybe they have connections that you can connect with and start building relationships with those people too!
So, I’m asking you – YES YOU. What makes your life worth living? What makes you smile every day? What are the top five things in your life that give it meaning? Tell me below. Let’s connect and start working towards a relationship.
