We find narcissists everywhere: in our boardrooms, with spouses, ex-spouses, family members, bosses, co-workers, friends. Most of us don’t expect to discover them among spiritual mentors and gurus. A few years ago, the great sociologist Christopher Lasch presciently announced: “In a dying culture, narcissism seems to embody, under the guise of personal ‘growth’ and ‘awareness,’ the highest achievement of spiritual enlightenment.” Many of us assume that if an individual has theological credentials or training in spiritual disciplines, he or she is authentic. Some of the most insidious forms of narcissism are perpetrated by spiritual teachers and gurus.
There are as many styles and levels of narcissistic spiritual gurus as there are spiritual movements. They range from the Elmer Gantry type of itinerant preacher to the more educated and highly trained individuals who create worldwide movements and success through their foundations, seminars, numerous books, DVDs, CDs, and media appearances. Being respected in the world does not mean that an individual cannot be a narcissistic spiritual guru who causes psychological and monetary damage to others.
The narcissistic guru (male or female) is usually dynamic and charismatic. He draws people to him with an irresistible personality that conveys that he possesses unique spiritual gifts and has access to secrets that will take them to higher levels of consciousness. The expert narcissistic guru evaluates which individuals will be willing to join his spiritual circle. He fixes his attention on the future member, telling him that he is special and indispensable. These gurus use fascinating eye contact. Your gestures, tone of voice, all your non-verbal cues are focused on your target. Narcissistic spiritual gurus are excellent actors (who often believe in their own performances). They appeal to that part of us that is emotionally vulnerable, that feels deprived or unworthy. Some of us are looking for a magic key or a formula that will take us beyond suffering, that voice of the ego that wants to feel all-powerful, limitless, divine. All those who fall under the spell of the narcissistic spiritual guru are not ignorant or naive. The high level narcissistic spiritual master possesses dynamic and intuitive powers that seduce and deceive many people. Despite his allure and tempting promises, there are warning signs that a spiritual master is more dedicated to making himself powerful and wealthy than helping his devotees:
1. Pay attention to the money barometer. Does the guru charge exorbitant fees for his services?
2. Is there ongoing pressure on members to sign up for expensive ongoing programs? The not-so-hidden message here is: the more courses you take with us, the holier you will be. This can be called payment to pray or payment to be a sacred spiritual scheme.
3. Another observation is that devotees often worship the guru, reflexively obeying him. Having been fooled by their charismatic leader, they are no longer able to think independently.
4. The narcissistic spiritual guru often uses his closest followers as servants who perform free labor: they run special errands, clean their residences, organize public events. The loyal devotee regards these requests as a privilege and evidence that they hold a place of honor in the guru’s hierarchy.
5. Narcissists play favorites. They pit one member against another to maintain maximum power and control over their members.
6. Devotees are often mistreated. The slightest mistake can cause ugly scenes of humiliation in front of other members of the group.
7. Followers who question the spiritual leader or are considered dangerous rivals are excommunicated from the group.
8. The narcissistic guru behaves very differently in his personal life than among his devotees. He is often extremely self-indulgent, materialistic, greedy, and in some cases uses drugs and alcohol excessively. He may engage in sexual exploitation with complacent devotees who are emotionally dependent and vulnerable and psychologically fused with him.
Becoming more spiritually awake and heart centered does not cost money. It requires devotion, discipline, and perseverance despite all the obstacles that come our way. It is not a short trip; it is an adventurous journey.
