What someone may find, if they enter into a relationship, is that they begin to lose touch with who they are. So as the weeks and months go by, they will look nothing like what they were at first.
Or to be more precise, they will be nothing like the person you were when you first met. As a result of this, your life is also likely to be very different from how it was before.
Part of it
Of course, it will be normal for one to change and for their life to change when they are in a relationship. However, even though this will happen, there is naturally a big difference between there being a change and one becoming someone else and their whole life changing.
If one were to step back and reflect on what has happened, one might have a hard time understanding what is happening. They may no longer recognize themselves and the life they lead.
In the beginning
So when they met this person, it would have been normal for them to listen to their own needs and do things that were aligned with them. What this means is that one would have had a good connection with his inner world.
By having this connection, their life would have been an expression of who they were. Or if their life wasn’t how they wanted it, a lot would have been a reflection of how they wanted it to be.
After a while
After a few weeks or months, you may have started doing everything you can to please your partner. Along with this, they may have done what they thought would please their partner.
Therefore, instead of being aware of what was going on within them and what was happening around them, they would have lost contact with what was going on within them. This would have meant that they were neglecting themselves and putting their partner’s needs first.
A positive experience
However, since they were so absorbed in doing what they could to please their partner, they probably wouldn’t have realized that they were neglecting themselves. Also, this may have been something that felt good.
By being calm and happy to accept what their partner wanted, they most likely would have received a lot of positive feedback. What was good at one time would have become bad at another.
A perspective
If you couldn’t step back and see that you played a role in what happened, you might see yourself as a victim. The other person would have taken advantage of them.
Coming to this conclusion would allow them to feel good, at least for a short time, but what it probably wouldn’t do is allow them to change their lives. Fortunately, they will not have fallen into this kind of thinking.
Get to the root
The first thing that could be investigated is why they felt the need to focus on the needs of their partners and ignore their own. If this hadn’t happened, there would have been no reason for them to get lost.
And even if their partner had wanted them to do this, they could have prevailed. They would have been two separate people before getting into a relationship and there was no reason for them to merge with the other person once they got together.
Deepening
The fact that you were happy to please your partner, while completely despising yourself in the process, probably shows that not doing so was seen as something that would put your survival at risk. This is not to say that it was something that went through your conscious mind.
However, part of them would have believed that they had to do what this person wanted to survive. This part of them could be seen as their infantile selves or their inner child.
Two experiences
So even though your conscious mind would have viewed this person simply as someone you were attracted to, your unconscious mind would have viewed him as a caretaker. What this may show is that it was not safe for them to express their true selves during their early years.
Many years have passed since that stage of their life, but the child that they once were will now live within them. For this part of them, the only way they can survive is to ignore their own needs and do what other people want.
Awareness
As an adult, you obviously don’t have to please other people in order to survive, but until you begin to resolve your inner wounds, it will be challenging to accept this at the core of your being. Until this happens, this part of them will continue to hijack your conscious mind and make it difficult for them to hear themselves.
To????
If you can relate to this and want to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.
