When you’re apart but desperately wanting to reconcile, you can look for any opportunity to hope. If her husband calls, asks to see her, or shows some level of commitment or interest, it may be cause for celebration—until he isn’t. Because those small moments of victory can be fleeting. Maybe you start to guess. You may mention your happiness to friends or family and they will tell you that you are getting too excited. In short, it feels good to be hopeful, but you’re worried that you’ll feel awful if your hopes are dashed.
And sadly, this often comes up on special occasions where you want to feel happy and festive. Common situations where you see this happen are birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. A wife might explain, “My husband and I have been separated for almost five months. During that time, I haven’t had much reason to hope that things will get better. Although I would be more than willing to try to reconcile, my husband doesn’t seem to be willing.” to do this. He has rarely asked to see me, although we have been on the phone regularly. During our last conversation, he told me that he wanted to take me to a nice birthday dinner. My first inclination was that he was simply doing this out of obligation. Without However, I never hesitated to say yes. I’d rather it wasn’t out of obligation, but I’ll take what I can get. I asked him where we were going and how I was supposed to dress. His response was that I should ‘look beautiful because why shouldn’t a man should you take your wife out for a nice dinner to show appreciation on her birthday?’ Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it almost describes it in romantic terms now I find myself counting down the days and worrying about what I’m going to wear and what I’m going to say I confided in my best friend about this and even though he seems happy for me, her response was ‘just be careful. I don’t want you to read too much into this and then be disappointed when your birthday is over and everything is back to normal’. I get her point. I’m afraid of that too. But I want to feel some excitement for a change. How do I not read too much into this? How do I moderate my emotion?
I know firsthand that it can be difficult to strike a balance here. You would love to believe that this dinner is the first of many and that this could be your first step on the road to reconciliation. At the same time, since her husband hasn’t given her much reason to hope so far, she doesn’t want to be unrealistic about it and hurt herself.
I understand. Our hearts can feel so fragile during our separation that it is part of human nature to want to protect them at all costs. At the same time, however, you don’t want to be on your guard so much that you can’t enjoy dinner or give your husband the feeling that you don’t want to be there.
Similarly, you don’t want to give the impression that dinner means “absolutely everything” because then your husband might feel pressured, shut down, and worry about asking you out again in the near future.
From my own experience, I came to believe that the best way to approach this was to remind yourself to live in the moment. You have every right to want to have fun on your birthday. No one forced her husband to ask for it. And frankly, if she really didn’t want to, then she probably wouldn’t. So, he has asked you in response to his own will. Remember that.
And also remember that this is a day you deserve (and should) enjoy. Tell yourself that you will be fully present during this dinner and that you will enjoy every second of it. You will focus on the conversation and the environment in question without allowing yourself to dilute the enjoyment of the present by letting yourself be carried away by the future.
We don’t know what the future holds. Today is all we have. We should not interrupt our enjoyment by worrying about things far away. I know this is easier said than done. I know you may have to remind yourself of this over dinner and that’s okay.
But frankly, if you’re just having fun, you increase the chances of future meetings and outings. Asking is a good sign, no matter how you look at it. But if you overanalyze it so much that you become paralyzed and slow things down, not only will you not enjoy it as much as you should, but it may make it less likely that there will be more to come.
Promise to have a good time and enjoy yourself, but let things unfold as they want. She takes it one moment at a time and enjoys every second.
