What is retroactive jealousy?
Retroactive jealousy – ‘Retro’ meaning backwards in Latin, ‘active’ meaning present tense – is the imaginative conjuration or reconstruction of sexual infidelity that involves our partner as the focal point. For example, imagine a sexual activity of our partner with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, a one-night stand from his past, or a real event in which the partner has been unfaithful. These thoughts then become compulsively obsessed with causing the person thinking of them to suffer varying degrees of psychological trauma. During my research, I discovered that it was common for people who suffered from retroactive jealousy to also suffer from spontaneous “imagination scenario” jealousy, a graphic imaginative scenario that portrays our darkest fears regarding emotional and sexual attachment. Intrusive thoughts are normal for a human being as they belong to the rationalization process, however, people with retroactive jealousy obsess over these thoughts and confuse the body into thinking that the scenario/situation is real. This is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that can be difficult to tackle alone.
Many people who suffer from Retroactive Jealousy live feeling isolated with their hurtful thoughts that in most cases lead the body to a depressive state. It is a shameful and dignity-destroying psychological nightmare that takes place in the minds of the most unfortunate people. Retroactive jealousy can strike at any time, either triggered by a “reminder” or conjured up from a brief moment of inactivity. It can change a person’s day from happy, positive, and bright to helpless, depressed, and tired. It can lead to resentment of a partner, seeing them in a different light, and perhaps more deeply destroys personal self-esteem.
Why are people retroactively jealous?
There is no simple answer to this because obsessive and compulsive thoughts can stem from a variety of biological and environmental factors. If you browse the web, you will see several articles with different arguments, definitions, and descriptions of why people are burdened with retroactive jealousy. To quickly summarize these include:
- Low self-esteem: the way we think of ourselves leads us to punish ourselves with graphic and distressing thoughts.
- Opposite-sex views: outdated and irrational views of the inferiority of the opposite sex.
- Biological inheritance. A pre-instinctive thought that has been genetically encoded within our DNA.
- Trust issues: the ability to trust another person.
- Overviews of Sex
- Sexual inferiority: not feeling good enough intimately or feeling ashamed because you have had fewer sexual partners.
Dos and Don’ts of Retroactive Jealousy
DO:
Realize that you are not alone with this problem. It CAN be boarded but not on your own!
Realize that retroactive jealousy is IRRATIONAL.
Think before you tell your partner in the best possible way about your problem. It is a touchy subject and can offend if not done correctly.
Seek medical advice and discuss the problem with your general practitioner (GP). There are many options available to you. These options include cognitive behavioral therapy, psychotherapy, antidepressants, hypnotherapy, and counseling.
Maintain a balanced and maintained lifestyle. Eat healthy foods, exercise and maintain a good social lifestyle.
· Stay busy doing things you enjoy and setting personal, achievable goals.
Choose to accept your partner as a human being who is on a similar journey as you.
WHOSE:
· Try to solve it yourself. This can backfire as your body feeds off the obsession.
· Trick yourself into thinking it’s your partner’s fault. The problem is within you and running away from the problem will accomplish nothing. (in some cases where the partner has cheated, this needs to be addressed in a different way)
· Resent your partner for their past actions. This makes things worse and is irrational.
· Substance abuse to tackle your problem. This just hides from him. Depressants like alcohol, illegal stimulants, and hallucinogenic drugs may offer short-term relief, but they actually create a snowball effect that makes the problem worse.
· Think negatively of yourself for having this problem.
Dive into a bad diet and routine. If intrusive thoughts cause anxiety, stay away from high amounts of caffeine and natural stimulants.
· Be afraid to speak.
