Do you love an alcoholic? How can you live with an alcoholic and love him at the same time? Very carefully. It is true, it is very difficult to live with an alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Alcohol controls a person’s mind and spirit, so as long as the alcoholic is drinking you won’t get much love in return. Being married to an alcoholic is not grounds for divorce. It is reason to help your loved one with the disease. Alcohol addiction is called the insidious disease for a reason. Break homes, kill lives, and keep the Creator from being discovered. Can it get more insidious than that?
A person who drinks excessively is called an alcoholic, but that is not what he is. A person who drives a truck is called a trucker, but that’s not what he is. I believe that alcohol addiction is a phase or transition in a person’s life, which means it can be temporary. But many alcoholics get sober only to drink again soon after, why? It is because they believe they are in control of their addiction, but they are not. If a person really wants to get sober and stay sober, they will.
The person behind the alcohol destruction and deception is a totally different person when you have been sober for six months. A sober alcoholic can be a very loving and spiritual human being who can discern right from wrong and can live a happy and abundant life. As long as the alcoholic continues to drink, his true character remains hidden from others and he will be under the control of the drink in all aspects of his life.
What can you do for the alcoholic in your life? The first step in helping them is to help yourself first. Learn about the disease. Once you realize the impact of how your actions may be affecting the alcoholic in your life, you can properly detach from their destructive behavior. Letting go can be hard to do, but if you love the alcoholic and want to be supportive, letting go in love is the way to go.
Are you allowing your loved one to drink? Are you rescuing them from their problems and responsibilities? Ask yourself these questions to find out?
Am I doing something that would allow the alcoholic to drink?
Am I doing something that would facilitate the alcoholic’s behavior?
Am I doing something that would rescue the alcoholic from his problems?
Am I being led to illness with the alcoholic?
The only way to be truly supportive is not to rescue, not to enable, and not to allow them to take you into the disease with them. These are some of the ways it empowers the alcoholic.
You enable when you take over from the alcoholic by doing their chores, duties, and responsibilities. You enable when you give money to the alcoholic or buy alcohol from them.
You enable when you drink with them, or when you do anything to help the alcoholic continue to live their alcoholic lifestyle and not realize they have a drinking problem. If you do everything for him, how will he know?
These are some of the ways you would rescue the alcoholic. You rescue when you sweep the masses of alcoholics under the rug. The alcoholic NEEDS to be responsible for his own disorder. You bail out when you lie for them. You bail out when you get them out of jail or pay court fees for them.
Understand that the enabler/rescuer, which is you, helps the alcoholic to continue drinking when you inadvertently become entangled in the delusion of illness with them. Remember, alcoholism is an insidious disease and it will catch you if you let it. Don’t let this happen, or the alcoholic will have no hope of stopping drinking.
How would you lead yourself to illness with the alcoholic? Trying to control the alcoholic and how and when he drinks. By threatening the alcoholic with angry words and insults, you are driving yourself to alcoholism. Don’t complain, fight, argue, plead or try to control the alcoholic, it won’t work!
When the alcoholic spouse tells you that he’s sorry for whatever he’s done against the marriage or against you, he’s probably truly sorry, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. An alcoholic cannot control his actions once he starts drinking. The drink is what makes them out of control and in the thrall of disease.
There is great hope for the alcoholic in your life, if you take care of yourself first, by not allowing, rescuing, or giving in to the disease. Once you are aware of what you should and should not do, you are free to set limits for yourself at home. An alcoholic will not respect any limits, so it would be useless to try. You are setting limits for your own spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being, not for the alcoholic’s. See part 2 of this article to set limits.
