Oh yeah. Its on! You’ve been in a relationship for a while and you can’t stop arguing. Angry and frustrated, you can’t believe you’re in another fight. Well, chances are they’re fighting over one of two things. Money or privacy.
Let me start by saying that I haven’t done any research on this topic in quite some time. I’m just going off the latest trends I’ve been seeing with my clients. Old school thinking was that money was the biggest issue couples fought over. While that’s still pretty prevalent, I quickly see that the lack of intimacy trumps the money.
I never really understood why money was the biggest sticking point for an argument when it came to couples. After all, no {well, most of us} don’t build the foundation of our relationship on money. Yes, it’s important for survival and comfort, but it’s not what sustains a relationship. If that were the case, your relationship would be with money, and not so much with the person with whom you have joined. The foundation for most healthy relationships is intimacy and trust.
I have written about loss of intimacy via cell phone several times. And while most of us are connected to our phones 24/7, the healthiest couples know how to be present and create intimacy without cell phone interruption. I’m all for taking the “couple selfie” or responding to a quick text. However, keep it to a minimum. And when possible, don’t touch the phone at all. Intimacy is created or lost in the moment.
Money can add value to your relationship. But to suggest that it is more important than privacy is misplaced. In 33 years of working in mental health, could you believe that I’ve never had a man or a woman say to me, “You know, we have a strong relationship and all, but if you gave me more money than time, I’d be so much happier.” I’m sure it happens. But, I have yet to come across that scenario.
I believe that when two people are connected, with money or without money, they will survive. It may not be funny and it may not be pretty. But intimacy that speaks in terms of a lifetime commitment is sexy. it is powerful. It endures and dominates all other problems that come its way.
So yeah, raise your hand if you want your partner to make more money. Alright. Now raise your hand if you would be willing to trade some of that money if you knew your partner would pay attention to you, communicate with you, and hold you above anything else. Bueller? Bueller? Do you understand my point? {I make myself laugh.}
The truth for many is that intimacy, on all levels {spiritual, physical, and emotional} transcends most issues, fears, and worries. Because when you know you have someone by your side on the toughest days of your life, all that pressure seems to lessen. This intimacy is the greatest source of power and comfort, and helps us become the best version of ourselves. And money? Well, money can’t do that.
