Once again we are approaching one of the most anticipated and complex times of the year. The holidays are complicated because we all bring the baggage of years of memories and traditions that we have acquired and we try to make the present fit in with our past. When we become parents this is complicated by trying to translate those memories into experience for our children. Separation and divorce will impact this dynamic even more. But the important thing to remember is that our traditions are not set in stone and new experiences can quickly become beloved and valued traditions.
Divorced couples with children go through many unique trials as the holidays approach. Many parents overcompensate for the changes their children have experienced by overspending and trying to outdo each other at gift-giving. Even non-divorced parents go into enormous debt trying to give their children everything under the sun because they think it shows their love. But as we grow as parents, we learn to show our love in other ways that are actually truer representations of our affection and devotion.
In my hometown, the Chicago area, we are blessed with so many great attractions, museums, and parks that have the makings of great vacation memories, and spending time with your kids visiting a place like Navy Pier or Brookfield Zoo will start new traditions. Each community offers wonderful light shows and holiday displays that bring in the magic of the holidays and opportunities to spend quality time together. This year try to put a price on your time and say that instead of spending $100 on a video game, I will spend $100 on time driving at night with my kids looking at Christmas light displays. Your child will value this time more and will remember that you are giving him memories that will last much longer than that video game.
Start working with your ex-spouse early to coordinate gift-giving, and be sure to set strict spending limits. Trying to one-up each other will only cause a great deal of stress and place an unfair financial burden on both of you. But keep in mind that when you set these spending limits, stick to them religiously. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex so you know what the other is buying, and try shopping for complementary gifts like hats and scarves to go with a new coat or earrings to go with a new bracelet.
There are many ways to make the holidays special and meaningful for your children, and many of them cost nothing. An evening project making a gingerbread or cookie house, making tree ornaments or making Christmas music CD mixes are activities that everyone can join in on and although we may think it’s old fashioned, the best parts of the Holidays are what we spend together creating new and unique memories.
